Marriage
Questions from
viewers about marriage,
and
Doctor Leon’s common sense advice.
Betty – How can I get my husband to actually listen to what
I am saying and not turn a deaf ear to me once I open my mouth? He
insists that either I nag him or don’t tell him what is going on in
the house that interests him (i.e.the kids).
Doctor Leon – Male testosterone contains a DNL protein which
inflames the lining of the inner ear membranes and prevents auditory
neurons from transmitting signals to the brain for processing and
interpretation. The “filtering” effect is strongest in the average
vocal frequency range of human females. This explains why a woman can
usually catch a man’s attention by speaking in an unusually low voice
(below the normal range) or with high-pitched screaming (above the
normal range). It isn’t that men can’t understand women; men just
can’t hear women. Researchers have not yet found a remedy for this
hormonally induced condition.
If you need to get a message to your husband, write it down on paper
and mail it to him using the return address of some other woman (make
one up). He is sure to read it. This method can be used repeatedly but
you must use a different female name and return address each time. Hope
springs eternal for men. They can never resist reading the letter. Do
not make the letter too long. With the exception of viewing contact
sports on television or browsing through pornography on the Internet,
men have very short attention spans.
June – It looks like my husband is addicted to pornography
on the Internet. As soon as he comes home from work, he’s at the
computer visiting porno sites. He doesn’t even hide it from me, and
when he finally does come to bed early in the morning, he wants to try
all kinds of sexual stuff with me that he saw on the Internet. He
doesn’t spend any more time with the children and all he wants from
me is sex. What should I do? I feel like my marriage is breaking up.
Doctor Leon – June, I think you’re looking at this from the
wrong perspective. Consider yourself fortunate that your husband still
wants to engage in sexual adventures with you. Sex normally disappears
from a marriage after the birth of children, or when a wife’s weight
exceeds 120% of her wedding day poundage. Indulge his sexual
fantasies. You might discover some things that really tickle your
fancy. If you want him to moderate the frequency of his sexual
advances, demand that he does everything at least two or three times.
Don’t give him a moment’s rest. Totally exhaust him whenever you have
sex. Scream loudly in his ear whenever you have an orgasm. Bloody his
back (or his buttocks) with your fingernails whenever you climax.
He’ll tire of it soon enough, or you’ll kill him in the process. In
the meantime you’ll be the envy of all the other wives in the
neighborhood. If he survives, don’t worry, your marriage will be fine.
