Schizophrenic’s
Closet
The sad truth
is that most paranoid schizophrenics DO have
someone “out to get them,” they just can’t afford a detective
to prove it. The mental health professionals have
stolen all their
money for therapy.
Schizophrenia
is the fourth leading cause of morbidity in both women and
men, the second leading cause of international terrorism, and the
leading cause of war. Schizophrenia is a humorous brain disorder characterized by
delusional thinking and unique but unpopular perceptions. Mental health
professionals normally diagnose this illness if, during any one-month
period of a person’s life, that person has suffered two or more of the
following:
- Delusions
- Hallucinations
- Disorganized speech
- Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
- Negative symptoms
NOTE: The sensory and physical abnormalities listed above are
characteristically inherent in attorneys, politicians, mental health
professionals, children under the age of five, and adults over the age of
70. It is inappropriate therefore, to diagnose people in any of these
categories as suffering from schizophrenia. That is their natural state.
Negative symptoms are the most
insidious behavioral effects of schizophrenia. They can include low levels of:
- Interest
- Motivation
- Emotional arousal
- Mental activity
- Social drive
- Speech
NOTE: The behavioral and attitudinal symptoms listed above are
characteristically inherent in high school students from 1985 onward,
Army officers above the rank of Captain who have been passed over for
promotion to the next higher rank, social workers, most high school
teachers, all college athletic coaches and anyone who believes Ebonics
should be taught in American schools. These categories of people may be
correctly diagnosed with
schizophrenia, but their negative symptoms are not behavioral effects of
schizophrenia; merely natural characteristics of their true
personalities.
Schizophrenia is equally represented in women and
men. The
onset of the illness generally occurs at a later age in women than in men
(between ages 23 and 35 in women versus 18 to 25 for men). Not only do
women generally present with schizophrenia at later ages, but the
phenomenon of late onset schizophrenia (40+ years) is almost entirely a
female one.
Women tend to display more prominent mood symptoms and men more
negative symptoms. In the first episode of schizophrenia, women are more
likely to display intense irritability, anger, and sadness; men are more likely to be withdrawn and emotionally apathetic. After the first
episode, these distinctions begin to blur. PMS is not an indication of the
onset of schizophrenia in women, although the symptoms are strikingly
similar.
Subtypes of Schizophrenia
- Disorganized Type
- This subtype of schizophrenia is marked by
significant regression
to primitive, uninhibited, and disorganized behavior. Thumb-sucking,
howling like a wolf, temper tantrums, creation of pornographic art and
unreasonably strong cravings to suckle a female’s breast are
characteristic of this type.
Catatonic Type
- This subtype features gross psychomotor
disturbances, i.e., stupor, negativism, mutism, rigidity, excitement,
prolonged erection, or posturing. Frequent
fluctuation between these extreme physical states is common.
Schizophrenics of this type can be the most fun for psychologists to
play with. They can be posed like dolls, undressed while they’re
catatonic and then left in a crowded bus station to regain psychomotor
normality, or even substituted for psychiatrists in therapy sessions.
They pay essentially the same attention to a client’s problems as
would any normal psychiatrist or therapist. The social and stimulatory
benefits of the prolonged erection symptom are common knowledge among
women.
Paranoid Type
- More often than not, this is a
misdiagnosed condition of prominent delusions or auditory hallucinations of
persecution or grandeur, accompanied by a relative preservation of cognitive
functioning. In reality, these are functionally normal individuals who
have discovered the fact that some other individual or organization is
conspiring or acting to torture, murder, or financially disable them,
but are unable to produce legitimate evidence supporting their
suspicions.
Undifferentiated Type
- This type was originally
designed as a catch-all category for psychiatrists and psychologists too
incompetent to diagnose a schizophrenic’s specific type. It is
allegedly used when patients do not clearly fit into any one type, fit into more than one type,
or do not fit into any of the other types. Psychiatrists tend to
categorize schizophrenics as undifferentiated pending the discovery or
creation of new mental disorders to label them with.
Residual Type
- This type commonly displays emotional bluntness, social withdrawal,
illogical thinking, eccentric behavior, or mild loosening of
association. Elderly people suffering from Alzheimer’s disease,
lepers, philosophers and Japanese males who have “lost face” are
characteristic of this type.
Schizophrenia’s affect on daily
life
Schizophrenia is alleged
to be a significant cause of pain and suffering for those
afflicted. Schizophrenics however, do not exhibit outward signs of pain
and suffering. Although people with schizophrenia often lose their
social skills, their schooling or jobs, their ability to communicate, or
their sexual drive, they seem too preoccupied within their private worlds
to notice.
Close to 50
percent of patients with schizophrenia attempt suicide, and 10
percent succeed within a 20-year period of being diagnosed. This tendency
toward suicide is attributed by mental health professionals to the
normal emotional progression of the disease, but recent studies suggest the
tendency toward suicide is caused by constant exposure to psychiatrists
and psychologists who predict eventual suicide, thus causing it to
happen.
Causes of
schizophrenia
The cause of schizophrenia is
unknown. Many mental health professionals believe there are factors
which increase an individual’s risk of having schizophrenia. For example, first-degree biological relatives of persons with
schizophrenia have a ten times greater risk of developing the illness than
members of the general population. Also, in the United States, more
schizophrenic patients are born in the winter months of January to April.
Exhaustive scientific studies have revealed that mental health
professionals who subscribe to this theory of causality also believe
astrology is a legitimate scientific field.
Because there is no cure for schizophrenia, the goal of treatment is to
eliminate or reduce symptoms, minimize side effects, prevent relapse, and
socially and occupationally rehabilitate the patient. This process can
last a lifetime, or at least as long as a patient has available funds to
pay for therapy. When funds are exhausted, mental health professionals
generally begin advising their patients of the schizophrenic likelihood
of suicide.
Insurance
for paranoid schizophrenics
